Life + Culture

The One Is the One You Marry

Is there such thing as the right person?

And if you are dating someone, how do you know if they are him or her? Is it the person you rarely fight with? The person with the same interests as you? The person who received complementary results on whichever personality test is trending? Or is it the person you could see yourself growing old with? Or is it all of the above?

I submit, that the problem with thinking there is a right person is that there could then be a wrong person. That implication might seem harmless — some might even say helpful during the searching stage. However, once you’re married, the wrong person does not exist.

If you think otherwise, it may have a devastating effect on your marriage.

If we enter into marriage thinking it’s possible we have chosen the wrong person, it is unlikely we will face hardships with the same hope-filled ferocity we would have otherwise. If we both could’ve married the wrong one, why sacrifice and strain to make it work? Why not file for divorce and start searching for the right one (hoping that they also didn’t make a mistake and marry another)?

The wrong person possibility looms in the shadows of many broken marriages.

The Romantic Road

Many of us have seen the kind.

Those Romantic Comedies involving a man and woman that “should” be together, but instead are “tied-down” to someone else? Because the two are given to others, we initially feel a sense that the proposed relationship is wrong.

As the film progresses however, many carefully orchestrated events and interactions are showcased to slowly and strategically woo our hearts. We find ourselves hoping for the destruction of one relationship, in order to make room for another. In just under 90 minutes, we find ourselves traveling from wrong, to maybe, to necessary. By the end, we find ourselves cheering when the couple finally gets together — infidelity and all.

A whole genre is dedicated to this premise. A premise that only exists when the idea of a right and wrong person does.

Manufactured empathy diminishes our view of marriage, and before we know it we call evil good and good evil (Isaiah 5:20).

No Such Thing

Put simply: There is no such thing as “the one” — unless you’re already married. The one who is “the one” is the one whom you marry. That is what marriage declares.

Marriage is a commitment to a person with flaws. You don’t ignore their flaws, you commit to them despite of their flaws. The flaws come with the marriage, with the commitment (Ephesians 5:25).

And as we commit, we must remember that we are the wrong person (Romans 3:23)! That is what makes marriage so glorious. A “wrong” person commits to another “wrong” person. Where would be the glory in a commitment to someone who is flawless?

The One Is the One You Marry

So, rather than looking for “the one” look for a spouse that appears to be on a trajectory of sanctification. Once you’re married and have made a public covenant before God and before mankind — congratulations — you have married “the one!” If you’re already married: Congratulations! you have married “the one” (Matthew 19:4-6).

Lastly, when you reach a bump in the road, remember that the best marriage in the world is still between two people who need to be redeemed — along with their relationship. The good news is that Jesus came to restore us and our relationships (Revelation 21:1-5).

...Read More.

The One Is the One You Marry

Is there such thing as the right person?

And if you are dating someone, how do you know if they are him or her? Is it the person you rarely fight with? The person with the same interests as you? The person who received complementary results on whichever personality test is trending? Or is it the person you could see yourself growing old with? Or is it all of the above?

I submit, that the problem with thinking there is a right person is that there could then be a wrong person. That implication might seem harmless — some might even say helpful during the searching stage. However, once you’re married, the wrong person does not exist.

If you think otherwise, it may have a devastating effect on your marriage.

If we enter into marriage thinking it’s possible we have chosen the wrong person, it is unlikely we will face hardships with the same hope-filled ferocity we would have otherwise. If we both could’ve married the wrong one, why sacrifice and strain to make it work? Why not file for divorce and start searching for the right one (hoping that they also didn’t make a mistake and marry another)?

The wrong person possibility looms in the shadows of many broken marriages.

The Romantic Road

Many of us have seen the kind.

Those Romantic Comedies involving a man and woman that “should” be together, but instead are “tied-down” to someone else? Because the two are given to others, we initially feel a sense that the proposed relationship is wrong.

As the film progresses however, many carefully orchestrated events and interactions are showcased to slowly and strategically woo our hearts. We find ourselves hoping for the destruction of one relationship, in order to make room for another. In just under 90 minutes, we find ourselves traveling from wrong, to maybe, to necessary. By the end, we find ourselves cheering when the couple finally gets together — infidelity and all.

A whole genre is dedicated to this premise. A premise that only exists when the idea of a right and wrong person does.

Manufactured empathy diminishes our view of marriage, and before we know it we call evil good and good evil (Isaiah 5:20).

No Such Thing

Put simply: There is no such thing as “the one” — unless you’re already married. The one who is “the one” is the one whom you marry. That is what marriage declares.

Marriage is a commitment to a person with flaws. You don’t ignore their flaws, you commit to them despite of their flaws. The flaws come with the marriage, with the commitment (Ephesians 5:25).

And as we commit, we must remember that we are the wrong person (Romans 3:23)! That is what makes marriage so glorious. A “wrong” person commits to another “wrong” person. Where would be the glory in a commitment to someone who is flawless?

The One Is the One You Marry

So, rather than looking for “the one” look for a spouse that appears to be on a trajectory of sanctification. Once you’re married and have made a public covenant before God and before mankind — congratulations — you have married “the one!” If you’re already married: Congratulations! you have married “the one” (Matthew 19:4-6).

Lastly, when you reach a bump in the road, remember that the best marriage in the world is still between two people who need to be redeemed — along with their relationship. The good news is that Jesus came to restore us and our relationships (Revelation 21:1-5).

...Read More.