"Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." (Romans 12:2a NLT)

People really don't forget anything. Stored somewhere in your mind, you'll find the date of your anniversary, the score of the Super Bowl when you were 10, and the day your child lost his first tooth.

You may not recall those events, but the memories are there.

The good news is, your brain stores everything. The bad news is, your brain stores everything. Your brain can't distinguish between what's imaginary and what's real, truth or lies.

You have stored all kind of garbage in your brain. And, often it's that garbage that you're basing your decisions upon.

When you were a child, adults said things to you that you believed without question because they were adults and authority figures. For example:

• You're not very coordinated.
• You'll never be good at math.
• You'll always struggle with your weight.
• Nobody really likes you.
• You're shy.
• You don't really have much to offer.
• You'll never be as good as your brother.
• I'm embarrassed by you.

They were lies then, and they're lies now. But you believe them!

You need to change the tape that's playing in your mind. Instead of playing tapes full of lies, you need to play the truth of God's Word. You need to hide the truth of God's Word in your heart.

Romans 12:2 says, "Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think" (NLT). How do you change how you think? You play a tape of truth.

1. Ask God to heal your memories. Tell God, "I need you to heal these memories of rejection, sin, resentment, guilt, and abuse. They hurt. Please heal me."
2. Fill your mind with God's Word. The more truth you put in your mind, the more lies you push out. It's a replacement strategy. Instead of spending all your time watching television and listening to music, fill your mind with God's Word.

For years psychologists have told us that our self-esteem comes from what you think the most important person in your life thinks about you.

Make Jesus the most important person in your life, and it'll change everything. God's Word says you're lovable (John 3:16), capable (2 Peter 1:3), valuable (Luke 12:6), forgivable (Psalm 103:12), and usable (Ephesians 4:12).

Let that tape become the soundtrack of your life, and you will never be the same.

Talk It Over

• What "tapes" from your past do you tend to replay over and over in your mind?
• What does God's Word say about the lies you keep replaying?

"When he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." (1 Peter 2:23b LB)

If you've been hurt by someone else, whether it's physical or emotional, you've got a decision to make. You can use your energy to get well or get even.

But you can't do both.

Jesus, too, understood pain and abuse. When he was crucified, he was wounded in every way possible - by his feet, his hands, and his head. They crushed a crown of thorns onto his skull. They nailed him to a cross. Roman soldiers gave him 40 lashes with a cat of nine tails.

Of course, Jesus' deepest wounds weren't physical but emotional. He was betrayed, rejected, and humiliated.

Yet 1 Peter 2:23 says, "When he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly" (LB). Jesus could have sent a billon angels to annihilate everyone while he was on the cross, but he didn't.

He leaves the issue to his Father in Heaven. He says, "Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing." He refuses to let pain make him bitter.

To get through the pain and abuse of this life, you must release those who've abused you. You can't get well as long as you have resentment in your heart. For your own sake, you need to let go of your right to get even.

Getting even won't make you feel better. Even if you were able to get even, it wouldn't take your pain away.

Does the person who hurt you deserve your forgiveness? No. But neither do you deserve God's forgiveness. You offer forgiveness for your sake, not the other person's.

You can also be assured that God saw everything. The Bible says in Romans 12:19, "Never take revenge, my friends, but instead let God's anger do it. For the Scripture says, 'I will take revenge, I will pay back, says the Lord.'"

God saw what happened when you were hurt. And he wept, just as he was doing when his Son was crucified. It's God's responsibility to get even - not yours.

The person who hurt you won't get away with it.

But you will. You'll stop paying for someone else's mistakes.

The Bible says in Hebrews 12:15, "A bitter spirit is not only bad in itself but can also poison the lives of many others" (Phillips).

Resentment is a poison pill you don't need to swallow. You are only as happy as you choose to be.

So what's your choice?

Talk It Over

- How does resentment hurt you as much or more as the person you won't forgive?

- Why is it difficult to forgive someone who has hurt you?

- Who do you need to forgive?

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." (James 5:16a NIV)

We all respond to hidden wounds in different ways. Some people act out. Other people get angry all the time. Others self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Still others try to escape the pain by moving from relationship to relationship.

Yet the worst possible response to hidden wounds in your life is to just clam up. It's like taking a soda bottle and shaking it up. One day, you'll just pop!

You'll never get over your hidden wounds until you face your feelings straight on by talking to God about them.

Bottling up your hidden wounds will wear you out. The Bible says this in Psalm 32:3: "When I kept things to myself, I felt weak deep inside me. I moaned all day long" (NCV).  If you use up all of your emotional energy on the past, you'll have little left for today. You then spend so much of your time on your regret and resentment - thinking about how you'll get even with the person who has hurt you - that you're out of energy for what matters in the here and now.

God has an answer for your pain. It starts with confession. You've got to admit your pain. Everything else is, in one way or another, a fruitless attempt to forget what ails you. You need to admit your pain to:

- - God

- - Yourself

- - One other person you trust.

Many people want to move past their pain by admitting it to God and themselves and skipping the third part of the equation. Good luck! It'll never work. Admitting your pain to others is absolutely essential. You won't get well on your own. James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" (James 5:16a NIV).

You don't need to confess to a pastor, a priest, or a therapist to obey James 5:16 (though you can). You need a friend.

Open up about your hidden pain to someone. Tell him or her what hurts. As you do that and confess to God and yourselves, you just might find that long-lost energy you've been dreaming about.

Because revealing is the beginning of healing.

Talk It Over

- - What secret from your past are you having trouble letting go?

- - Why is it so scary to be open with God about a painful memory? Why is it so difficult to be open with ourselves about a painful memory? Why is it so hard to be open with others about a painful memory?

- - Who can you open up with about pain in your past?

"We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28 NLT)

Life often brings you matters that are difficult to swallow, like a sickness, a job loss, or the death of a friend or family member. Those pills are bitter going down, and we often choke on them.

Rest assured, God is up to something good in your life even if you can't see it. He is actively working to bring good out of whatever happens in your life. To hold on to hope in the midst of tough times, you'll need to grab a hold of this truth.

The Bible says it this way, "We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" (Romans 8:28 NLT).

The Bible isn't saying that every event in your life will be good. You and I both know that's just not true. But it does say that when you put your whole life together, every piece of it works together for good. It's like making a cake. You may not like the taste of each ingredient, but when it's all put together, you can't keep your hands off of it. God wants to bake an amazingly tasty cake with your life, and he wants to use even the distasteful and bitter elements to do it.

God also doesn't say that everything works together "like we want it to" or that every story will have a happy ending. The reality is not every business decision will make you a million dollars. Not every couple who gets married live happily ever after. Not every child will become captain of the football team.

Instead, the verse reminds us that we can have absolute confidence that the Master Designer of the universe causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God. (By the way, if you don't know God, you're not given this promise. It's for "those who love God.")

Hope isn't the same as optimism. It isn't the belief that something bad will turn out well. It's the absolute confidence that every part of your life ultimately makes sense regardless of how it turns out this side of eternity.

From our vantage point, our life looks like a mess at times. But God's view from Heaven isn't the same as ours.

You can't even imagine the good that God has in store for your future. In Jeremiah 29:11 God says, "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future" (NCV).

Your future is in his hands - and there's no better place for it to be.

Talk It Over

- How does it make you feel that God has worked even the bad experiences of your life out for your good?

- In which experience from your life do you have the most difficult time seeing the good that God will bring from the situation?

- How is Jesus' death on the cross an example of God working out good in a bad situation?